Profile
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| User: | neoliminal (1193391)  neoliminal
blank stares at blank pages |
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| Website: | Quit Your Job Day | |
| Location: | New York, New York, United States | |
| Birthdate: | 1968-03-12 | |
| Bio: | John [censored] born [censored] 1968. first [censored] ideation age 16. talk [censored], none longer than 1 1/2 years (not including [censored]) [censored] 2, none longer than 1 1/2 years (not including [censored]) [censored] 1, 6 months (not including [censored]) [censored] *, unknown number above 15. [censored] 2 times ([censored] ideations), both for approximately [censored] days, both within the last [censored] years last major episode, two days ago. married twice, second [censored] one son born 2005 ([censored]) [censored], chronological. "Sever [censored] Issue" - diagnosed [censored] - diagnosed Alcoholic - self diagnosed [censored] - [censored] [censored] with Anxiety - diagnosed after [censored] [censored] Major [censored] with Anxiety - diagnosed [censored] [censored] Type II *hyper rapid cycling* (as short as [censored] minutes) - diagnosed Major [censored]with [censored] Type II *hyper rapid cycling* - diagnosed Major [censored]with [censored] Type II *hyper rapid cycling* - diagnosed [censored] Borderline [censored] [censored]- self diagnosed Current [censored]: [censored] 100mg, morning [censored] 1x600mg, morning [censored] 2mg, morning [censored] 1x60mg, morning [censored] 1-2mg, lunch* * as needed [censored] 1-2mg, evening* * as needed I am attempting to stop taking the [censored] as starting to find it to be less effective and as it is known to be [censored] [censored] I wish to remove it from my current [censored]. Biographic: I was born to Leon and Donna [censored]. I have two brothers, Wayne and Tyler, both one year younger progressively. At a young age (3-4?) my mother and father separated. My mother flew my two brothers to Kansas, where Leon was residing, in a ruse to reunite the family. She [censored] and [censored] the airlines didn't have room for me and that she would return with me on another flight. Once she had returned to Maryland she informed him that "[censored]" My father sued for divorce and since the majority of the family was in Kansas and my mother did not contest, my father retained custody of my younger brothers. My mother suffers from [censored] [censored] and as a result my childhood was one of [censored] and chaos. We moved constantly and she attempted [censored] to find a suitable partner. She secretly confided in me that she always picked men she was superior to so that she wouldn't feel bad when she left them. My mother had a very active [censored] and on several occasions it was obvious that my relationship with her lacked [censored]. I once observed her [censored] [censored]. In every other category I was her caretaker. She was incapable of dealing with daily life and I and [censored] were the crutchs she leaned on. At school I was put into a remedial program. The remedial teacher showed me 26 booklets and each one had over a dozen pages of assignments. There were three other students in the remedial classroom. We were left, on most occasions, to work on the assignments ourselves. After a week I was playing with the other kids and the teacher entered the room and asked why I wasn't working on the booklets. I told her I had finished them. Apparently this should have taken 26 weeks. Shortly after this I was taken out of the remedial class and tested for my IQ. During the test, the Vice Principal (who was administering the test) stopped in the middle of the test and asked me how I knew the answers. I didn't know. My mother, proud of me, showed me the score of [censored]. At age ten, as she held a phone in her hand, she asked me "What if I told you that you had a father and two brothers?". She then handed me the phone. This was the first time I has spoken with my father and brothers, much less known of their existence. I would visit them for the first time later that year. My mother moved us to DC where, for the first time, I spent 5 years in a single home. It was very hard on my mother, and I tried as best I could to help her. In DC public schools I was the minority, being white in a school of 800 children and teachers. I was harassed, beaten, intimidated and fell behind in my schoolwork. When my mother found out that I had been shown a gun at lunch she decided to remove me from the school and send me to a private school in Maryland. The "Independent Baptist Academy" required short hair, buttoned shirts, and that all your friends and family be 'saved'. This caused a riff between myself and my closest friend [censored]. He was Catholic and I explained to him that he needed to be "Save by Jesus" or he was going to hell. It felt right and correct to help him become saved but when he refused and he said "You're letting that stupid school get between us!" I realized that no god would force me to choose between Him and my best friend. I became an atheist at the age of 13. There was an opening at a Catholic Highschool three blocks from where my mother was staying in DC. She enrolled me. Again, I was the minority, but the school was very strict and the harassment was kept to a minimum. Here also I was thought to have remedial problems and tested. The test taker was amazed that I scored off the scale for observation skill test. He asked how I could do that but I didn't know at the time. I suspect now it was from the [censored] [censored] I was having and the need to find several ways home to avoid kids in the neighborhood who were interested in beating me. They had beaten me on three occasions. After Highschool my mother left me to move to Maryland. I felt abandoned and she would not help me financially. She feared that I would end up like her [censored] ([censored], [censored]) and never leave home. As I struggled financially; I moved from house to house, sometimes sleeping on couches, sometimes renting rooms or sharing apartments. I was thrown out of one house for "not fitting in." While renting one room I was scared enough of the landlord, who's house I was renting the room in, that I only left my room to leave and enter the house. I didn't bathe and I [censored] [censored] to avoid contact with him. At age 20 I decided to move to Michigan where my father had settled with his third wife. I found it hard to acquire employment and struggled as I had before, either leaving each job right before being fired or being dismissed outright. After meeting a woman I would eventually marry ([censored]) we moved to San Francisco and caught the tail of the dot com boom. As things deteriorated in my relationship with [censored] I moved back to Michigan, and she moved to [censored]. We attempted to maintain a long distance relationship, but there was always something lacking. She had been previously [censored] and this has a heavy impact on our [censored] life. She projected these problems onto me and I accepted them and tried to adjust. She was then [censored] with [censored] and moved to Michigan. We moved in together, and were married. There were still problems in the relationship, and we ended amicably. I moved into a friends spare room and then three years ago moved to New York. Here I met my current wife Allison, who was [censored] [censored]. She had [censored] [censored] that were [censored], a [censored] [censored] and is [censored] and/or [censored]. I cared for her, as was my nature. We had [censored] [censored] reduced [censored] instead of [censored] where one could [censored] [censored]. I asked her to [censored] [censored] and she agreed to try. I [censored] away [censored]. After [censored] of being [censored] by myself alone, [censored] [censored] the [censored] of the [censored]. She took up a [censored] of [censored], in [censored] [censored] [censored]. I proposed to her and she accepted. At this point we realized she was pregnant and she immediately [censored] all [censored]. I was, at this point, involved in [censored] activities and had a slow income. My goal was to start a company that required little maintenance so that I could pursue resolving my [censored] [censored]. The company failed when a disgruntled employee [censored] [censored] of one of our clients and we had to stop business. I have since been through [censored] jobs and I'm certain that any job I get will [censored]. I have had strong [censored] during the [censored] and have constant thoughts of [censored] in order to save my family. I fear my [censored] will affect my [censored], both [censored] and [censored]. These fears fill me with guilt and shame. I'm currently seeking [censored] and [censored]. | |
| Pictures: | over 20 public | |
| Interests: | 50: 48 laws of power, ai, algorithms, art of war, baby wearing, chess, chess variants, computers, cthulhu, designing games, determinism, duality, edward gorey, einzelwortbeantwortungsneigung, free will, game theory, games, hehx, hilbert curve, images, insanity, madness, mapping minds, memes, mental disorders, monetary systems, mythologies, neural networks, philosophy, photoshop, poetry, poker, provocateurs, questioning reality, ray caesar, recursion, rock paper scissors, self reference, serendipity, social engineering, strategy, tactics, taking pictures, talk.bizarre, technology, thinking, victorian, walking alone, wit, xkcd | |
| Schools: | St. Anthony's School - Washington, DC (1983 - 1986) | |
| Friends: | ||
| Mutual Friends: | 55: a2macgeek, als_wonderland, anathemadevice, babyshrine, boutell, candlelight1228, capitalism_yeah, chalepa_ta_kala, cherydactyl, cryptotich, dali_muse, deadprogrammer, drusni, eck, eviljohn, excess_and_oohs, exzentrikin, haglaz, holliwood66, jarodakamister, jfusion, jonpublic, jozafiend, julzerator, kar0na, karmakazesal, katarina_lu, laine05, latexiron, lintra, lmr, lulu_vox, marq, merde, mytnt, nathalie, naturalborn, neoliminal, phawkwood, rapier1, reifler, scorseseisgod, shekkara, shenzoustarlet, simonepdx, stoat, tammylc, the_axel, the_siobhan, tlatoani, towhomdoihum, ukalalee, vandanazoe, vretallin, zagelj | |
| Also Friend of: | 11: concretepumpkin, farmhand, jixel, myscarletttears, mywebdesign, oblation, panoptishard, preptodismal, rowenmansard, rsmit212, sweetroses25 | |
| Member of: | 8: group_intellect, paidmembers, poetic_rains, polyliminal, strip_fighting, talk_bizarre, the_mortuary, webdesign | |
| Account type: | Permanent Account | |
