neoliminal (neoliminal) wrote,

Ebola, the revisited post.

These are the basic, common sense, things you can do to avoid Ebola.
1. There is a distance you should keep from anyone who has Ebola. That distance is ideally 1000 miles, but the CDC says 6 feet. That's about 1.8288 meters. Or 4 cubits. Or 1.93308441 × 10^-16 lightyears. We will refer to this distances as the "Safe Distance". But don't be
fooled, you're still safer 1000 miles away.
2. If someone brings up the subject of Ebola, run to the Safe Distance. 99% of all people who were diagnosed with Ebola talk about
it. (or did before they died)
3. If you see someone wearing a blue mask, it's very important that you determine quickly if they have Ebola or are trying to
avoid Ebola. You can do this by asking them and then running to the Safe Distance.
4. The most cases so far (in the US) have been in one Hospital. In Dallas Don't go there. If you are there, immediately run to the Safe Distance.
5. Wash your freaking hands after you go to the bathroom. This really has nothing to do with the flu so much as being a pet peeve. It's disgusting. And then you ate that hamburger.
6. Certain parts of your body are more susceptible to the meme virus. Do not let it enter your brain mouth, eyes or nose. If the virus attempts to talk to you, avoid eye contact as this is one of its vectors and run to the Safe Distance.
7. If someone coughs blood into their hand or handkerchief, shoot them. If they sneeze, run to the Safe Distance and shoot them. If you are unsure if someone sneezed say "God bless you!" and if they say "Thank you", shoot them.
8. There is no tip #8. If someone says there is, move to the Safe Distance.
9. It's been proven that wearing a long black beak-mask can protect you from almost any conversation except for "Why are you wearing a long black beak-mask?" Should someone ask you, immediately run to the Safe Distance. Also shoot them.
10. Start calling it the "Pink Flu" as this is the more hip and modern term for it and it's probably mutated into the Pink Flu by now anyway
and who the hell decided to call it "Ebola?" You really can't be afraid of something called the "Pink Flu".
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